The problem with being an idealist is that you tend to give up before you even try because you know just how futile it is to try and get something perfect. That applies to design and to everything else in my life. I’ve had to deal with accusations of being lazy and I had no idea how to explain just how overwhelming the imperfect nature of everything that we are and everything that we do can be to me. To deal with that crippling personality trait, I taught myself how to ‘show up and do my job’ regardless. I learned how to set long term and short term goals and take one step after another to achieve them. The problem is that this can be a recipe for mediocre.

I am somewhat smart so I learn fast and create easily. That helps

I don’t have any grand ambitions, that doesn’t help

I can find ‘flow’ when I work and that’s the best driver/cause for anything decent I’ve done professionally

I empathize with the homeless and the sick (especially mentally). I think about our mortality and the human condition in general. I want my life to have meaning, I want to leave this world a better place than when I came to it. I don’t know how to do it on a grand scale: I don’t believe that I can create an instance of disruptive wonder through my work that’s strong enough to make a real difference… So I give a lot of time and energy to the people around me: My wife and my brothers.

These are random thoughts, but all of these play a role in how I pursue moments of performance/ moments of disruptive wonder. I am not ‘career oriented’ and I think ambition is a double edged sword. I am constantly looking for a ‘noble pursuit’ and until I find it, the only disruptive wonder I purposefully seek to create is disruptive wonder to myself.