Living Falling Down

I live in Florida. The Sunshine State. There’s an orange on our license plates AND our state flag.

So how come naval oranges can only be found in California? Those hoity toity Hollywood types are stealing our Floridian orange pride with their glammed-up citrus! How dare they take a central and pivotal character from our dearly beloved state and hoarde it over there in their Sunset Boulevards!

It’s not like we Floridians said, “Hmm, California looks so content over there with their Disneyland. Why don’t we build a bigger and better version just to show them up?” And it’s not like we would ever follow such a declaration by building not one, but four large Disney theme parks, several series of Disney-themed hotels, two water parks and a Disney golf course. That would just be rude!

I say to California: Give us back our oranges! You’ve got all those fancy celebrity scandals and movie studios, I highly doubt you’ll miss a couple of orange balls floating around your soundstages and production lots. With the heat here, and our lack of spiffy federally funded buildings like your Alcatraz, we certainly need them more than you!

We might be willing to consider letting you keep the fruit if you give us Arnold. It’s not that we’re looking for new management, we just want to hear him yell “I’ll be back!” as we drag him out of your state.