carlos maldonado r.

This post is mostly to get my thoughts out to relieve my OCD of things “todo.”

TO DO:

Find a way to stay in school  -  . .  I’m falling behind and at this moment I have the feeling when you get punched in that part of the stomach where & loose your breath!

So after my Financial Advisor Jessica Magazzu stepped down from her position, I’ve had trouble communicating with my new advisor that CashNET is giving problems. So I’ve sent out e-mails asking for help, but as much as I love SCAD I can’t seem to come through to get information. Their fees keep piling up when Im still trying to pay last quarter off. Thus I am forced to find a medium where I can either take an outside job and make up for what I owe, begin my business to start making an income that I can control, or choose to stay or go.

Choose to stay or go. -I haven’t mentioned it but I moved up from my student ambassador position to a coordinator… now I have to choose to give up the position I fought so hard for or stay.

 I came to SCAD in Fall 2011. I joined the Student Ambassador program Fall 2011, by Winter quarter I was taking Four Classes and Holding an outside Part time Job, I was also an ambassador for the following quarters helping enroll more than 15 new students one of which was in a similar position as mine. While on my outside job I learned to prioritize and Say NO to positions I could not handle – a new life changing experience (blog).  Therefore, I decided to stop my outside jobs  to focus on what matterd most to me; my education and representing SCAD as a student. I was accepted into the Ambassador program Summer Seminars but by that summer I was not able to join due to legal matters thus bringing an unexpected summer(blog). By Fall 2012I had a moment of depression due to restrictions and was unable to participate as an Ambassador. JUST recently, I finally got my new work permit to jump back into the program. So for Winter 2012 I was offered a new position with the Ambassador program as a Membership Coordinator! This was a blessing and exciting addition to my life, I get to dress up each office day. MUCH better than hosting  tables. Now, I have to choose between taking a responsibility I committed to and enjoy or take a position that will help me with catching up on school payments.

Get summer job to help me for next quarter expenses!

So  to stay in school, I have to get a job! School supplies are expensive, so having to pay the increasing tuition difference, supplies, meals, and miscellaneous is already bombarding my head with information. Im taking a CLEP test to avoid another class, and I am now taking two instead of three classes. I can only try to keep positive and write my situation in an blog that I can write my thoughts down. So if I get a summer job, I will be able to raise funds for next quarter but that impedes in my internship process.

Get an internship to help me move forward in my career to eventually be the sponsor for the future Carlos.

Getting an internship  this summer would be a scene! Especially with someone that can continue to help me grow as an individual and photographer. My goal is to become someone that can offer learning opportunities to upcoming generations, but I can’t do that if I don’t have a good career. If I don’t get an internship, I can’t make the relations necessary to increase my professional experience and in effect, I can’t move forward with my career. I believe it takes some one special to help me out to be someone special – just like the people that have been in my journey so far.

STEP OUT OF THE BOX in my  current photography work to get an exciting internship!

So I have to find a way to prove my self as a creative individual through my photography portfolio. I am partnering with my friend Sun to create a new series of works that include photography & illustration as a new creative medium in my degree. I am also working with fashion and video to start a new series of works that include fashion and dark scenes that reflect beauty in a different perspective and I am improving my portrait portfolio for the sake of finding prospective clients.

So I have to get my thoughts together, or make something happen to move forward with my goals! D’:

Looking at living, tuition,and 2013-14 expenses. Time for scholarship applications! (fingers crossed)

After one year, I finally take the moment to update my SCAD blog.

Before I update my whole SCAD Life in several blogs, I want to post my new experience and realization after visiting the Empire State of New York.

- The Gene Allcott foundation awarded me with an all expense paid trip to New York. There, I had the opportunity to visit important museums such as the MoMA, The New Museum, and the largest museum in the U.S., the Metropolitan. I was honored to receive this award April 05th – 09t where we stayed in a 5 star hotel! (my personal rating) The whole experience is told in the photography series post : Gene Allcott Foundation 

Anyways, during my visit I came across China Town, Little Italy, BellaVita wellness studio, Times Square, Central Park, the Chelsea galleries, Soho, Greenwich village, upper east Manhattan , OUT XL night club, and multiple Gucci & Prada stores.  - long story short, but not:

There was SO much to see that I can’t keep track of my thoughts and every reminder of a scene includes a blur of so many people and objects that I can’t specifically recall. Thinking about New York right now stresses me out. I’m not a writer,  and putting it in writing just confuses me.

So over all, I was bombarded by information.

               At one point, I felt like I lived there because of the lack of attention the people there have to other people.Everyone minded their own business, and walked past  me unnoticed. If I were a celebrity I don’t think they would notice, every one blended  in with each other. There was so many people surrounding me that I couldn’t focus on a single subject, by the time I was looking at one thing my eyes were already moving to see the next. I was already dizzy looking around. And to make the rapidity of the environment even more vivid,  I was trying not to get stepped on by the herd of people treading at my feet. At one point I felt claustrophobic at the idea that if an apocalipse were to happen – where would I run to and hide? There is no solitary ground to hide in, there was always some one at every corner.

So when I thought I was on the path to becoming some one important, staying in new york for a couple days made me realize that I wasn’t even near where I should be, to be where I want to be.

Anyone who ever though I was an over achiever, did not consider the people of New York. I don’t stand near their ability, due to the life they’re surrounded by. So in all, I come short to the people in New York. So that’s my main realization, though I do all I do, it’s not enough where I want to be.

Where I want to be is: A place with so many people that no matter how hard  I try I’m always trying harder.

I want to be where my greatest works are my good works, and my good works, are my starting points.

And where I want to be is where if I don’t take care of my self, I’m not trying to stand out, thus I  don’t exist, and if I don’t exist I cant communicate to the people I want to be surrounded by which will help me get to my starting points in photogrpahy. So it all trickles down to taking care of who I want to be:

A latin male, that considers his health  physically and mentally.

A student who’s pursuing the best positions out there to begin creating starting points that will lead to great works.

and some one who exists, because although there may be so many people in one place, I believe that I can leave a mark – only if I try a little harder than what everyone believes I am already doing.

The people I saw there were leaving a trace of their existence, so when they eventually move forward to the new world, they will be noticed for their presence.

I want to leave a trace of my existence.

So a new journey begins – where I will try to take care of my self  and consider my appearance  consider my health, and track my calories if necessary,but most importantly, making me the one that stands out in 8,244,910 people and more.

Summer 2012 was one of the hardest summers in my life.

It all started with a vist to Asheville where I spent some time with Jessa. We climbed to the top of a mountain and had a picnic ,I also took the time to celebrate my mom’s birthday.

My intentions were not to stay in Asheville, but instead work in Atlanta where I had a secure job. That job position introduced me to the life of self independence financially.> Rent, Cellphone, Transportation, Food, Work, Clothes, Bills – it was brutal. I had whole plan laid out with a secure place to stay after my visit in Asheville. Unfortunately, the house I was planning to say in (which was in the projects) turned out to be a SCAM by a woman who was so called Ms.President. She rode a teal 1980s garage band van. It turned out that she was renting me a place that was foreclosed. She stole a $500 deposit that to this day I owe my parents.(Teal is my favorite color)

So the summer started  from good to worst. I interrogated “Ms.President”as to why  she was being so suspicious about her identity and the ownership of the home, that brought forth a side of her common when two loud women start a fight- she started yelling at me to get out of her property- she called the police and accused me for Trespassing.Before they could get there I was running down the ghettos with 45 pounds of luggage on a 108 degree type of weather, trying to catch the next train away from there.  I was blessed to know that I had my guardian angel and sister Erin Wilson, who was staying in Atlanta at the time. I got to her house looking for a place to stay.

Still during that week, I was trying to find a place to stay and more troubles came my way.I left to get some groceries at the nearby Kroger in North Atlanta where Erin was living, I was on my bike, and as I was heading back from the store the front tire of my bike fell into a vertical pipe drain large enough for the whole front tire to trap itself and propel me forward. The weight from the groceries in my backpack pushed me harder that I could hold back so I hit my head on the concrete road.I lost consciousness for a few seconds- I later realized I was getting moved out of the road by some lady who saw me fall at the nearby Starbucks. I was okay, but I walked back in the pouring rain and a busted front tire.

A week later, my now good friend Kyle opened his doors to me. That is where the new adventures began (I had also now started my job with ATL nightlife as a photographer, the reason I was even in Atlanta.)

That brought new experiences, from making my weekly rent payments, and making sure I had my door key: Kyle had left his key in the room expecting me to have it one night we went out- I had lost it while dancing to Travis Porter. When we got back (Sunday morning 2am) we realized none of us had the key. So we realized we could wait for the office to open around 7am; but we forgot it was Sunday therefore the office was closed until 1pm. We were stranded outside with out any way to get in, a locksmith quoted us at $400 and the whole situation was a mess that  we ended sleeping outside on the tanning chairs. Poor kyle, a male diva who accidentally bought a Prada bag had my t-shirt as his blanket.  I didn’t sleep that night.

Moving forward with summer and various weekends going out and making sure we had our keys my birthday came around.

Kyle threw me a VIP party at Havanna, my job paid two concert tickets for me enough for me and my sister later visited me here in Atlanta.

Andrea went to Hong Kong!

So when july came around – my sister’s birthday, I brought her down to Atlanta for the Enrique iglesias and Jennifer Lopez tickets paid  by ATL Nightlife.

Little Snippets of me in Asheville occurred, for occasional events such as My Brother’s Birthday, Bele Chere,  and Sandra’s Graduation.

 I spent my first 4th of July in the city, which was an incredible experience.

I also found out that I was going to be an uncle. . . (my hear sank)

So much happened Summer 2012 – it is definitely an unforgettable one.

Carlos Maldonado-R.

Sandra Phipps

Photo 115  B/W

28 May, 2012

Tears of an Undocumented Life

            In this series my approach was capturing a whole communities’ lifestyle. I chose to photograph this community because it’s the closest area around me that was closely related to where I grew up. In addition, the lifestyle of this people is similar to what I recall growing up on. In effect, I was able to photograph and listen to the stories of each person in the photograph. Undocumented or not, the lifestyle is similar to mine due to the hardships these people have to struggle through and continue to live through until one day the children can defend them from their struggles. Thus I’ve used the children who represent the hope of the older generation.

Through the use of black and white photography the subject matter is more understood with out the distraction of colors in the scene. In addition, the time of day chosen for this series was midday after three since that’s a common active time around the area I chose to photograph. The square format of the photographs allows me to center the focus on the subject rather than the surroundings. The images were printed on fiber-based paper. I used water drops to create the effect of  “tears” on the print but manipulated the droplet to make sure not to distract from the faces and the image it self. Finally, I used selenium toning to increase the contrast of the image giving it a more contemporary look contributing to the story line implying a current reality.

In each picture, I captured a deeper story behind the subject matter. I photographed the general lifestyle of this community, like the people seen getting their hair cut and the man in the grocery store evidence of cultural immigration in stores. In addition the series includes the scenes of innocent children enjoying their time unaware of their surroundings, while mid thirty adults drink away their failures, looking hopefully at the children’s; as seen on the preceding images of the photograph with the boys and the soccer ball. Essentially, the series was shot at different areas of neighborhoods but I placed the order of the images strategically to tell a chronological story.

After this photography session, my perspective returned to when I first came to Atlanta. Initially, I had a clear focus of where I came from  – a rough neighborhood; but after living in such a great community with affluence I got accustomed to the lifestyle I was drifting away from my reality. Getting back here brought me back and reminded me that this is why I’m here; to move my family forward and out of the struggles we currently face.

On September 9th I took the trip to a destination I never thought I’d be in.

Sept.9 2011 first night. first glance. first sit down restaurant. first day. first picture of the firsts.

Four years ago, I came to this city for my 8th grade field trip. Little did I know that this city would soon become my new home. Currently I’ve grown in experience and knowledge that looking back to when I first came I can’t believe It’s already been almost  a full school year.

Getting here was a new experience in regards to not living with my parents. It’s odd to think I’m not home, it’s crazy to think that I’m the first that has left their parent’s side to go to school, usually it’s marriage that gets you out of the house.

I’d like to get more in detail of the following bullet points when I have time but for now this is what happened my first quarter at SCAD.

- I met Andrea Maria van Hitum {Fashion Design Major} – I met her and approached her thinking of how beautiful she was. We ended up being best friends here at SCAD getting excited about the small things in life. She is described as the girl version of me. Eccentric, doesn’t let anything hold her back, and her charisma is sure to charm any one who approaches her.

- I met Jessa Vogel {Interior Design Major} – from the same area  – Asheville. Our schools competed against each other but little did we know that when we competed against each other, we would become really good friends at SCAD. Currently this whole spring quarter ’12 I’ve been around her so much running, sleeping over, and getting reprimanded over my obsessive eating. Besides that, she’s always laughing and making me laugh, it’s odd the things we discuss but it turns around to being something interesting. I enjoy being around her …  she’s the wise smart one of JAC penny pincher. A much needed influence in  my life.

- I was introduced to the city life – MARTA quick attribution to the subway. It was a thrill ride I wanted to take when I first got here.  What I thought was downtown actually was Mid Town and then there was Down Town – completely  different and also Up Town. So basically, office and tourist areas are generally in the south of Atlanta with views generally seen on postcards. Where I live is a very affluent area – something I’m not accustomed to and stand out on but feel like it’s a motivational living area and this area is generally called Midtown, the Woodruff arts center is here, along with club strips, fancy restaurants, and my most desired living building that holds room for up to one million dollars. I keep telling my self that one day that one bedroom apartment in Midtown Atlanta will be mine. And there’s uptown IE Buckhead or LENOX. Where the celebrities live and spend their money. With a four story mall! – Nothing compared to the one story mall in Asheville that you can walk in twenty minutes completely through every store and come out smelling like you were just enclosed in a small damp room. Lenox, smells brand new every day with people wearing unimaginably expensive clothes, glasses, watches, shoes, hair extensions, nails, bags, scarfs, and children. Yes, their children look expensive in all their Gucci and Polo attire. I can’t imagine having $250,000 running around  the mall like a monkey – it’s truly unbelievable how much money this city has. I never knew there could be so much wealth. I questioned, how much wealthier can one get? Anyways, it’s not my intention to have $250,000 running around a mall, I just want a house I can live in comfortably and a house for my mom too.

- I was introduced to lack of sleep. Even though I had a few amount of classes, time management was lacking, but regardless it was an adventure and skill I’ve learned to adapt to. After this third quarter Spring ’12, I learned that lack of sleep is useless and I can’t function with out sleep. I deprived my self form sleep my first quarter due to the excitement of a new life, no restrictions, and more freedom. I splurged like I had income, and bought supplies like I had job. It turns out, I am now sleeping  more than I ever did before, spending even less on my fun adventures and more on food and supplies, and now have my own budgeting calculator I have to live by in order to ensure I have money for the following quarter where all my savings go towards supplies. It’s insane how much money can go on just one box of pastels.

Art School is Expensive. And Exhausting.

But then again, the expereince and learning I’ve aquired is truly undescribalble. I feel like I’ve learned and done so much in one year and there’s three more ahead of me! Oh wow.

I just remembered, my mom’s quote. “Before you know it we will be standing here preparing for your university graduation” ( I still remember standing in the kitchen talking about that with my mom, the night before I left with Erin to come to Atlanta)

- Exploration of the City – getting here I was too excited by the new change that every night there was something to do or explore. The Westin, The Fox thater on 11/11/11, and random hotels.

- Introduced to liberty from parents – soon after the first Fall ’11 quarter ended I couldn’t believe I actually wanted to hear my parents say no because there were moments I would’ve been told to not do what I did. Although, due to the freedom of choice I now had, I was introduced to “growing up” – it was a scary phase because my success was now dependent on me. Thankfully, it helped me learn how to defend my priorities, spend wisely, and sleep.

- My first dorm – shared bedroom with a stranger. Who now is a really good and close friend.

So after moving to the new residencies, I got a new roommate, a new location, and new experience on partially living on my own. Keeping up with my posts is hard having so much to do but it’s what keeps me busy that makes me progress every day. Essentially staying at ACA wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be – it just ended being the best place to live for me in regards to living in the city. It’s a blessing to know that this is where I live!

Right in the middle of MidTown Altnata!

My sister Erin helped me move in:

A photo major’s desk:

my first dishes! :

First grocery shopping and cooking for my self:

My outside window view – The High Museum of Art, working on color theory:

The bike ride to school:

And the night ambience of MidTown Atlatna:

ACA and just living in midtown Atlanta in general is an unbelievable reality (contradiction) because I still can’t believe I’ve made it this far!

I truly enjoy and appreciate the support and help I’ve received form my parents,teachers,friends and community members.

The production of this series has been an eye opening experience.

Partnered with Paragon Hair Salon, Carime Murillo MUA, and Chris Nguyen Stylist

Artist Statement:

“Moving into the city has given me a new perspective of life. When I moved here the sky scarpers, expensive cars, and quality lifestyle were an obvious statement of wealth within the city, but amongst all the luxury I was exposed to the large numbers of homeless people. As I continue to live in Atlanta, the contrast between these two lifestyles has become more apparent.

I began building my interest in photography once I got frustrated with drawing. Art in general has been an interest since I was young, but I’ve never been a patient person. Therefore, I pursued a new interest in photography. It had seemed like I had stepped away from the time consumption of drawing with just a click of a button, but further on I began to understand that just as a drawing – photography takes patience. My main photography interest is Fashion Photography. I’ve developed an appreciation for the beauty of the human body, rendered in an image. Since I began to have negative personal judgments, fashion photography was a gateway to remind me that beauty exists. Disregarding the ethical problem with Fashion Photography, I believe that it serves as an enhancement of the natural beauty we hold. With this field, I am able to tell a story of beauty through personal manipulation.

In this series, I present a mix of wealth and poverty. Several factors were considered into the piece. The location, the model, wardrobe, jewelry, and makeup were intended to represent the affluence within the city of Atlanta. In this series the background building is home to a family of homeless residents in the city.

The images were originally in color, but the black and white theme in this series attributes to the title Contrasto. The lack of colors enhances the difference of the two lifestyles. In addition, Black and white represents a strict difference between the two colors rather than a gradation. Therefore when I relate it to Atlanta’s poverty and wealth, I state how there’s isn’t a gradual transition from an affluent area to a low-income area. Instead, they are both right next to each other, looking like the apposite colors black and white. Therefore the manipulation of this series is de-saturated.

The process of this series consisted of me communicating with local businesses and students. The post-processing of the images uses slight accentuation of the model’s face and a de-saturation process. The contrast of the images is increased in sections to add focal points, and softening of the image is used in certain areas to create a contrast between the textures in the scene and the model. Over all the images were manipulated minimally and de-saturated appropriately to convey a balanced composition.”

Unfortunately, I realized that I had really captured more than I intended in this series when trying to write my artist statement.

The uncontrolled factors:

As I continue to think about the process of producing this series I further realize that so much is being told through this series. First of all, the wonderful collaboration group I got together gave amazing results. So I’d like to thank them for helping create this series.

Fortunately the group’s background comes from a sustainable financial position. The model and wardrobe artist come from a private and expensive university. They are College students who are working for a higher education, a valuable part of life many are unfortunate to miss out on (I’m not the degrading the valuable education life in general has to offer, but that’s beside the point).

The hair stylist and make up artist, both hold a sustainable job and work for reputable businesses. Businesses that allow them to live in a furnished room. Both artists with qualities that help enhance the beauty of those who have the money to pay such professionals.

January 29th was the date of the photo shoot and everyone arrived with warm air hitting their face in the comfort of a car. On this day the weather was frigid, especially behind the shadow of the building. Although through the session Alina shivered in the cold and posed to portray elegance, she was kept warm in a shiny red Mini-Cooper. In contrast, the building had no windows on the shaded side of the building and on the opposite side – concrete covered openings. As we went through the session, several homeless women and men climbed the tree in the background of the images to get into their version of a “warm room.”  I can’t help but to think of a contrast amongst these two situations and immediately relate it to black and white. I lack the words and descriptions to really explain the feeling I’m having, realizing how fortunate I am to have the luxury of warmth.

The building was also a few blocks away from the Capital building that has a Golden Dome. I find that very b/w as well.

As I continued with the development of this series historical parts came to my mind. I question why I was unaware that I chose a light skinned model, and now that I remember the people that came in and out of the building were of a darker tone. Unconsciously, this also affects the further meaning of my series.

During the session, I remember calling this man over to us to grab a few of our snacks. He accepted and even asked to have the leftovers, I let him have them. At the end of the session in efforts to thank Alina and Chris for their help, I invited them to dinner. We had a very filling meal that could’ve fed 3 people off each of our plates. Now I’m sitting here, thinking that earlier on that day a man asked for the left overs of our snacks.

I’ve never had a series of photographs that capture the story of a day and the brutal reality I was trying to convey. I was trying to make it stand out to people so who may not have noticed their surroundings. So my attempt was to create an incentive in people to appreciate what they may undervalue. When in unintentionally, this series was really intended for someone else.

I just realized this series was not meant for others to see what they were a part of, thinking I was excluded because I lack funds my self. No, I am also part of that black and white contrast – it gives me goosebumps to just have realized.

It was meant  for me.

I am currently up at 2:21am,

I just found this new blog site available from SCAD. Adding a blog is what I intended to do since the beginning, although I never did. Therefore, I will trace back all my main moments at SCAD and post about them on here one by one.

This will be my journey through a new experience in my family history and therefore I look forward to posting my upcoming projects, experiences, challenges, and thoughts.

Beginning with the reason that I am here tonight sitting on the computer at 2am due to this new job I got.

I was required to work all day yesterday Sunday.I had a submission to post that was due at 11:59 that I had not begun.

I literally woke up > went to eat breakfast > read for part of my submission information > left for work > got on break > read some more for Art History > Left for work…

Now in the transgression of all this, this week has been a busy and life learning week. First of all projects consumed most of the time available to focus on my Art History Paper. In addition at work my boss kept telling me to stand up for my self in my position as  a Host. I’ve never had to say “let me do my job, you do yours” instead I let my self get trampled on because I would feel bad saying no. So at work, I began to tell people to stay out of my position because the waiters are always around the host stand seating and messing with the seating arrangements that I’m responsible for, but telling them to move isn’t something I would normally do… but even then I went ahead and spoke up, It proved to be successful because now I’m working quicker and more attentively with out someone else stressing and involving themselves around the host stand.

As the week progressed, I faced this mental block that stressed me out to the point of crying. I called my best friend Erin Wilson, whom I explained my situation.

I am a full time student at SCAD taking an Extra class. Student ambassador, SCAD Connector Assistant Photography Editor, Relay for Life ATL Advertising Chair, and now working 25 hours a week. It got to the point where reality had finally set in.

As Erin mentioned, in High School you can miss yearbook deadlines, miss a track practice, or be late to class,  and the worst that would happen would be either to submit the yearbook pages a day late, run more at the next track practice, or get lunch detention.Therefore to some extent your were allowed to “BS” certain things to get them out of your way.

In reality, I cant afford to “BS” any of my school work at SCAD. Thousands of dollars are being paid, scholarships are to be kept, and getting to work late can result in not having a source to pay for what I can already barely afford. Therefore, managing and doing many things at once but also doing them WELL is a new thing to me that has happened and wasn’t able to fix my self.

Erin helped me understand that I don’t need to know what to do, and this is what life teaches us as we go. This lesson is to say NO. To say no to the things that you think you can do. To the things you think you can manage. To the things that you wish you could be a part of and to the things you think you must, but don’t have to do. Saying no is part of standing up for your self. Asserting your priorities and developing a mentality to realize what your priorites are.

Something I don’t comfortably do. Due to fear of getting reprimanded or loosing out on an opportunity.

But my proprieties are excelling as a student at SCAD and working in order to pay for that fulfillment.

Therefore today, I stood up to my Manager ; thanks to my friend Erin Wilson

I said:

“I appreciate the flexibility that you offer me coming to work and I appreciate your decision to have me as an employee, but coming on Sundays has gotten too hectic for me. I can not be going to bed late, waking up early to work on homework, go to work sleep- deprived, attempt to write a submission during break, go back to work, and finish my submission ten minutes before the deadline. I need Sundays off. If that can’t work for you I understand, and I’m sorry for not understanding my limits but this is something new for me. I hope you understand.”

This is a big milestone for me!

I expected a smart remark asking why I took the job in the first place. I’ve never had to stand up for something I needed to back down from. So that I could step up for something I valued more – my education.I was nervous, scared, and could not look at him in the eye.

His response:

“I understand. I appreciate you standing up for your proprieties. I value that your appreciate your education and I’m glad you’re progressing. You can’t get too stressed and lack in your studies.”

….

I don’t work on Sundays anymore.